Not too much to report from this end. No one has shown any interest in hiring me, and I've even gone so far as to apply at Mervyns, Target, Starbucks, and my old nemesis: Borders. Nothing.

It's painful, but I'm dealing. Something will change, something always does, and the situation will be different. No pain lasts forever, and that is a comfort. My health is good, and my relationship is excellent, which is *very* good.

I'm not very upset about the job situation, not now. Somehow I know it will be okay, in the long run. All I have to do is wait it out. And I can do that.

Beauty Beauty in all her glory one damp morning on September 19th, 2005

Beauty passed away late this morning, around 11:30. She had been fine up until then, mostly, She was drinking and eating, and even putting weight on the injured leg. But today, after I fed mom-in-law her lunch, I was sitting in my room, with Beauty on the floor by my bed. She started to shake, and have something like convulsions. I tried to hold her, remembering how you're supposed to restraint epileptics, so they don't hurt themselves. Stupid, I know, but it was all I could think of. Then she just stopped moving. I called my vet, and they said that there was probably nothing I could have done, and I guess they are right. I feel as though I should have saved her though.

My husband is out of the house at a musical gig a few towns over. I've been trying and trying to reach him, but there was no cell coverage. But just as I was typing this, he called me back. He is just as upset as I am, but he can't be home for a few hours yet.

So it's just me in the house, with my mother in law with alzheimers and my dead dog. I'd really like to have a fit of screaming hysterics now, but I can't. I need to take her out to the garage, where it's cooler. When my husband gets home, we'll decide what to do. Probably cremation.

I'm still stuck in the grieving though. Can't stop crying for more than a minute or two. She was so wonderful, so lively, so full of love for everyone she ever met. My life is going to have a Beauty-shaped hole in it for a long time.

Beauty spent the night at the animal hospital, and we took her from there to our vet's place at 7:30am. She seemed somewhat better, not limping as much at least. Where she was bitten, and the area a few inches around that are basically an open wound though. Necrosis is taking place, and neither of the vets know how far it's going to go.

We are to pick her up from the vet's tonight at 5pm, and bring her home, along with some painkillers and antibiotics. Next week we take her back, and the vet will start to debride the dead tissue. He hopes to do this in as few operations as possible. Already, we're looking at something like three thousand in bills. But if it saves her life, we don't care.

I rather wish I didn't have some rudimentary medical knowledge now. Because I know that debriding is cutting out the dead tissue. Muscles and skin and such. Possibly bone as well. I think there is a chance she'll lose the leg, but I hope and pray not. But they can't leave the dead tissue there, that would lead to gangrene -- thus the antibiotics.

Mom-in-law is having a hard time grasping this, naturally. Her alzheimer's won't let her remember *what* happened to Beauty, only that something is wrong. And she keeps asking me if Beauty is dead. And I know I'm not supposed to, but I just start crying when I have to tell the whole story again and again.

Beauty will be home tonight, and I'll probably spend the evening in the living room, keeping an eye on her. And telling mom the story over and over. None of the dogs can go outside unsupervised now, and there's no way mom can keep that in mind. We tried putting a sign on the front door, but it's like she didn't see it. Steve has band practice tonight, so he'll be gone for a while.

Thank you, all of you, for the good wishes and prayers and everything. I believe it's helped, at least helped to minimize the situation.

Thank you. Love you.

Picked up Beauty from the vet, took her to the emergency place. They said that it probably was snakebite, although they couldn't tell for sure since the area around the wound had sluffed off by now. Her whole leg is the size of my upper arm, the swelling is so bad. The skin is red and purple and blue. And the bleeding isn't stopping; they are going to do a test on her clotting factor.

With the speed of the swelling, we figure it must have happened sometime between when I took her out this morning at 7:30, and when my husband noticed it around noon. We didn't take her outside, but my mother-in-law lets her in and out all day. And of course, we can't tell her not to do it anymore. I'm not sure how we'll deal with this, I'll think about it after the current crisis.

So, the emergency vet place is only open at night, to provide service while one's usual vet is closed. They will keep her all night, and give her a dose of antivenin. Did you know one dose is $750 dollars? They were talking about giving her two doses, because she's a big dog, but it turns out they only have the one on hand. I hope that will be enough. They'll do other tests, keep an eye on her, call us if anything goes wrong, and then tomorrow morning at 7am, we have to pick her up and take her back to our usual vet, because the emergency place closes at 8am. Got to be weird to work there.

And that's about it, I guess. I rather think I'm in a light form of shock right now. Everything is very distant, and I feel much like a robot. Better than hysterics.

I'll let you know more as I do.

Thank you for the comments, for the good hopes and wishes, for the prayers and everything.

Love you guys.

Okay, the vet called. He seems certain it was a rattler, and they've lined up some antivenin at an emergency animal hospital. To keep costs down, our vet is going to shave the area, put in an I.V. and a catheter, and give her some antibiotics, and then we are going to transport her to the animal hospital. In about 25 minutes.

They will have the antivenin, and more antibiotics, and they will keep her overnight, at least. We will just have to wait then, and pray.

May doesn't seem to be a good month for our dogs. It was May 13, 2004 that Turbo died.

Beauty, our older black dog, has been bitten by a rattlesnake. She was limping a little this morning, and I noticed that the (hind left) weak leg had a raw patch on it, like she'd been chewing it. Steve felt that it was swollen so he took her too the vet. She couldn't seem to clot normally, and when the doc smelled the blood, he smelled necrosis. Tissue death.

The vet kept her, shaved the leg and did some tests. He just called to say that it was snakebite, and probalby a rattler from the swelling and necrosis. Now we're waiting to see if some anti-venom can be obtained, and we'll know more then. But she is 13, and already very thin. It could be fatal, but it's more probable that she'll lose use of the leg.

We don't have any fucking snakes around here!! Well, garter snakes, once in a blue moon, but they hardly count. I've never seen a live rattler. From the size of the fangs, they estimate the snake is at least three feet long. Big enough to kill someone. Or a dog.

Gotta go, Animal Control is on the way, and I don't want to tie up the phone lines in case the vet calls. Also I want to warn our neibors, just to be on the safe side.

Say a prayer, or whatever you do in times of crisis, k?

Been off the radar last few days, ended up working Monday and Tuesday again. I spent some time messing around with my old photo program (Corel Photo-Paint #7!) and got these wallpapers as a result. I think the first is my favorite.

Click on the thumbnails, (if I did this right) and it should take you to the wallpaper... or perhaps another picture that you'll have to click on to get to the *actual* wallpaper.  Take if you like, just comment and let me know, that's all I ask. After all, if I don't get a good critique I'll never improve. *g*

And I'm using the LJ update thingie with all the built in bells and whistles. It's interesting, as I usually just type everything out in good old plain text, popping html in when I need it. So, I have no idea how this is going to look.

Should be fun!

Okay, so it's not a new idea, and I've tried it before... but come on. It's worth a giggle, right?

---

Invent a memory of me and post it in the comments. It can be anything you want, so long as it's something that's never happened. Then, of course, post this to your journal and see what people would like to remember of you, only the universe failed to cooperate in making it happen so they had to make it up instead.

Okay, as memes go, this one is fairly interesting....

How many times has someone on your friends list posted about something and you were really confused, but you didn't want to ask because you knew you should know? How many times have you felt 'guilty' asking a close LJ friend a question that should be 'obvious'?

Well, here's your chance.

If you've missed a few things, missed an entry and are confused, ask me anything. Even something extremely basic. I'm not allowed to get even slightly irritated at any of the questions -- we've all missed things before.

I do reserve the right to be circumspect, as this is a public entry.

I would say plot bunnies, but well.... *g*

I have once again committed fic. Someone should really just shoot me.

Title - Pomegranate Seeds
Author - Tenebraeli
Rating - G
Pairing - N/A
Characters - The Doctor (10) & Rose

Spoilers for 'New Earth'

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
( It isn't the kiss that bothers her... )

Yeah, 'New Earth' got to me. Not the plot, because (and I know I'm quoting someone here) the plot is pants. But the acting sold it, totally made it work, and no little part of that was Billie P. And Cassandra.

And well... ( short spoiler-ridden afterthought fic.... )

Yes, Virginia, there is a Cthulhu!

Which reminds me, I need to start looking for some up-to-date Cthulhu for President bumperstickers and t-shirts. Why settle for the lesser of two evils!

Okay so birth control and abortion are out of the question, and now they are going to stop helping adoptions?!?!

The Catholic church is on crack. And *not* the good kind.

Oh god, I just found out about Octavia Butler's passing away.

I guess this is late breaking news to everyone else, I just now saw it on a Yahoo news link dated Sunday.

I just don't have the words to say how horrible this is. It's like when we lost Douglas Adams. This is so fucking unfair.

I don't know... I ask for silly fic ideas to be smacked out of my head, and hermionesviolin goes and encourages me instead.

Thus I can safely blame this on her, Joss, and the general insidiousness of water.
It just gets everywhere.

-------------------------------------
Title: The nature of water and rivers

Author: Tenebraeli
Fandom: Firefly/Serenity
Rating: PG
Spoilers: None
Beta: None -- anyone who would like to point out bits, please do.
Written: December 23, 2005
Notes:... this ends without an ending, and thus I suppose it could be considered a first chapter. Although I never write things with more than one chapter.

-------------------------------------

River wishes she was simple, fewer pieces, not so shattered.

Sometimes she is Simon's little sister, and that is sweet as berries in summer.

Sometimes she is River, who knows too much, and can't speak for all the words trying to climb out of her throat at the same moment. They gag her.

Sometimes she is river, flowing around the earthy things, the worldly things. Flowing around people like trees, and buildings like rocks. That river doesn't always lie still, passive in its banks, that river surges and floods and rips roads out from under folks. When the mood takes it.

Sometimes the river is more than a flowing body of water. Sometimes it is River herself.

Sometimes she is a being that lives there, in and of the waterworld.

She's never sure if it's dreams, or some other world, or someone else's memories... wouldn't be the first time.

She sees her hair floating about her, like zero-gravity, but not quite, because she can feel the surge and ebb of a tide.

She sees her clothing, her shirt, and it's torn, or made of fringe, or just remnants tied together over her breasts, and it floats too. She wonders if she is a jellyfish, but then counts her limbs and is certain that she doesn't have enough. And she is relatively certain that none of them are tentacles.

Counting the limbs though, that presents a problem. She's used to four. Tidy, divisible by two and one, and convenient for her use.

She sees three limbs.

One right arm, shaped much as ever, save for the fingers which are webbed. This newness doesn't bother her, not as much as the other changes to the arm. She's wearing jewelry, she never wears jewelry. But there it is on her right arm, with some sort of gold snake coiling around and around above her elbow, and on her wrist are more bits of fringe or string, and some of them have little shells tied to them.

One left arm, similar to the right, which satisfies her sense of order at least. Though she still doesn't know why she has jewelry on.

One leg....

No, that's incorrect. She has one tail.

It starts somewhere around her waist, her skin gradually becoming scales, and the scales slowly shading from skin tone, to a silver, which gets darker as it goes along, until the tip of her tail which is the same color as her hair. It's a beautiful tail, as tails go, shimmering and gleaming and she can feel how strong it is. It isn't just some addition to her body, it *is* her body as much as her head is.

Once, twice, she flexes muscles that she is quite certain she did not have before, and her tail moves strongly through the water.

Oh yes, that's the other thing. She's underwater, and yet not drowning. So it's probably a dream.

A quick sparkle of a school of fish dart before her, and she is instantly hungry, and without another thought she leaps forward, webbed hands reaching towards her prey, tail moving her quickly and powerfully through the water....

It's been a weird day. Lots of ups and downs. I'm in an up period right now, so I'm taking the time to post this story that I wrote early this morning. Now I shall make myself some dinner, and come back to lj to see how you are all doing.

( The Child that Time Didn't Forget )

---

---

I'm not adverse to more friends, not in the least, go ahead and add me. And comment on this post, that helps too. But I may or may not add you back; I'll go and check out your LJ and see if we're compatible. I'm compatible with 99% of folks, just so you know.

Check me out with my Rose-Moodtheme! *happybounce*

It was created by the crafty __kali__, and I got it up and running with the massive assistance of a very kind E. I worship them and bury their feet in flowers. Roses probably, as that seems apropriate.

Thank you!

Oh bugger... seen in the morning's light... and in a big hurry cause I gotta see two doctors this morning and neither of them is a cute Brit....

I'm going to **have** to continue last night's story, no?

Because I think mpoetess was right....



Oh well, it will give me something to think about as I wait in doctor's offices.

Wish me luck? Mutant plot bunnies? Some sort of perfect cure?

Any of those would be good.

**hugs**

Look, this was completely beyond my control... she started it, had to go and be all brilliant and all, and then she lobbed a plot-bunny at my poor sleepy head, had to go being all creative and all, and then I had to do this!

( will only make sense if you read the first two links, yes the ones right above you, and if you know both Sandman and Doctor Who... at least a little... )

And this is proof positive that I should not have all night unrestricted access to the net. See, see what happens!

Oh god, I have to sleep... doctor's appointment in about six hours... *yawn*

Night all.

oh bugger... now I need a Death icon... no... must sleep, must resist photo manip program....

Okay... this is either a challenge, or a 'has anyone already done this, and if so, please point it out'.

Whoniverse = The Doctor's grandaughter was called Susan

Discworld = Death's grandaughter was called Susan.

Is it just me, or is this just too good to be true?

If someone doesn't write this, I fear the world may come to an end. *g*
PleasePleasePleasePleasePlease????



And, um... please forgive the crossposting, but this idea couldn't have just now happened to me, or on the other hand it must be spread as far as possible as soon as possible. ;-)

( One never knows how these meme things will affect my flist... so.. ) It's very entertaining though! Give it a shot!

I've spent some time taking a pic of the Ninth Doctor, fiddling with the background, and then adding text... and since there is quite a bit of text (it's the Seventh Doc's speech from the end of 'Survival'), it takes up about six icons with one blank to go in between. What I'd love is to get some sort of fade or trasition effect between them... since the background is the same, I thought it might just look like the text is the only thing changing... sound feasible? ( here's the pictures that I'm talking about... )This is a good deal of work, I imagine, so I won't be at all miffed if this is just too much to ask. But you never know *until* you ask, right? *g*

If it works out, I plan to offer it up on such communities as Time and Chips as well as use it myself, and the like, and I will give full credit to the animator.

You know what would make a great crossover fanfic?

Doctor Who/The DiscWorld.

Come on, can't you see it?

Rose wants to see something *really* unusual, so he takes her to the only flat world carried on the backs of four huge elephants (who are standing on the back of an enormous turtle). And it would just be so much fun!

In Ankh-Morpork, Rose almost eats one of CMOT Dibbler's 'sausages', and the Doctor barely stops her in time.

The Doctor meets Death... would they get along? They do both like cats... and perhaps they are old friends, what with the reincarnations and all.

Perhaps they bump into Nanny Ogg, and she makes them try some of her Chocolate Delight, with the Special Secret Sauce... of course that story would quickly become NC-17. *g*

Rincewind would make an excellent possible companion... although he wouldn't want to. But he does have all those years of practice at running away from things, people, armies, chaos, etc.

Anyone wanna give it a try?

Yesterday hermionesviolin's icon reminded me of a quote that I've always loved:

"I Name you Echthroi.
I Name you Meg.
I Name you Calvin.
I Name you Mr. Jenkins.
I Name you Proginoskes.
I fill you with Naming.
Be!
Be, butterfly and behemoth,
be galaxy and grasshopper,
star and sparrow,
you matter,
you are,
be!
Be caterpillar and comet,
Be porcupine and planet,
sea sand and solar system,
sing with us,
dance with us,
rejoice with us,
for the glory of creation,
seagulls and seraphim
angle worms and angel host,
chrysanthemum and cherubim.
(O cherubim.)
Be!
Sing for the glory
of the living and the loving
the flaming of creation
sing with us
dance with us
be with us.
Be!"
(A WIND IN THE DOOR, 203-204)

I believe this. I believe *in* this... this linking of all things of all times and all spaces. It was thinking of this, and other things the day that I realized that I will never die.

It was years ago, but it comes back clear as a bell. I was standing on the beach, and it just came to me, like a voice out of the waves... *you are a part of all of this*. It's science, really. My cells, my atoms have been other things before me... they were part of stars and starfish, part of earthworms and eggs and elephants. And after they have ceased to be part of this thing which is *me*... they will go on to be other things.

And so I have lived forever, and will never die.

However, that's the eternal part, and the present part has to get dressed and go to Santa Cruz in about five minutes... so I gotta rush. *g*

---

The famous anthropologist Margaret Mead, was apparently once asked this question: “What was the earliest sign of civilization in any given culture?” The person asking the question expected the answer to be a clay pot or perhaps a fish hook or grinding stone, some practical, tangible piece of evidence of a progressive and self-sufficient society.

Mead’s answer however, was “a healed femur”. The femur, of course, is one of our large leg bones. Mead explained that no healed femurs are found where the law of the jungle, or survival of the fittest, reigns. A healed femur shows that someone cared. Someone had to do that injured persons’ hunting and gathering until the leg healed.

The evidence of compassion, she said, is the first sign of civilization.

---

This may be a quote you've heard a hundred times, but for all my dabbling in anthropology and archeology, it's new to me. And it hit home.

For the past few weeks, this, and something that Jesus said have really been resonating with me. Now I have any number of problems with Christians, but the man himself had some pretty good quotes. And I'm thinking of this one in particular: Whatever you neglected to do unto one of these least of these, you neglected to do unto me.

And I try to remember these two things every morning, and deal with my fellow humans accordinging. Some days I have better luck than others, but it's a work in progress.

And you know what I realized two days ago? I'm included in this.

If I'm going to be compassionate and kind to people, I have to be compassionate and kind to myself as well, or else it's really not fair.

I am the least of these, as well as the rest of us.

And so are each and every one of you.

I love you guys.

Has anyone else noticed that if you run spell check over your entry before posting here on the LJ site, the word 'fanfic' pops up, and you get this series of options:
fanatic, fang, NFC, fungi, funfair, Fenwick, fanfare, fiance

*Snerk* Now I think someone should write a story with all of those in it!

I can't freaking believe it. I have not written anything worth a damn in years, literally. But yesterday I woke up with the last line of someone else's story ringing in my head, and suddenly: there it was, the whole concept and I just let the words spill out onto the keyboard. ( Read more... )

I've been really uncertain about whether or not to write anything about this, but she said she wanted people to remember, so...

I was working Friday at the clinic, signing in patients, collecting info as I do, and it was towards the end of the day. An older woman came up, well-dressed but not flashy, in that old-money sort of way. Pebble Beach, I figured, or Carmel. She had been there before, and she filled out the signup sheet, and I took it and checked it over to make sure that all the needed info was there. Her handwriting was a little shaky, and I couldn't make out her last name.

I said something like, "Hang on, my eyes aren't too good, let me see if I have this correctly... K-l-a-a-s? is that correct?" She agreed, and I found myself half-muttering, "Gosh that sounds familiar, Klaas?..." and then I recalled, and I looked up at her with what must have been a face of sadness and regret for having even thought about it and I said "Oh... you must be... oh, I'm so sorry" very softly, and she just smiled and shook her head kindly. She reached into her purse and handed me something.

It was a button, one of the simple kinds that can be made out of any photo. It had a girl's face, brown-haired and smiling, and the words "Polly, we love you".

This woman said, "Please, don't apologise. We like to know that she isn't forgotten; in fact whenever I come across someone who remembers her, I give them one of these."

So now I have a picture of Polly Klaas sitting on my desk, given to me by her grandmother.

Things that have deeply touched me lately....

( There is no one here but us chickens )

( God is the scream of the rabbit caught in the fires we set )

( Do no harm to those that harm you - offer them peace: then you will have peace )

Questions? Comments?

This may end up being cross-posted to a couple of communities, as well as my own lj, so I'll toss in a mea culpa ahead of time.

I made a wallpaper, 1024x768, and I'd like to share it with anyone else who might be interested.

( wet!Angela )

courtesy of tori_m
List of the top 110 banned books.

Bold the ones you've read.
Italicize the ones you've read part of.
Underline the ones you would like to read.

( Read more. Convince others to read some. )

One of the doctors at the clinic where I work passed away quite unexpectedly, about ten days ago. He was just walking his dogs and appears to have had a heart attack. He was only 52, but he accomplished a great deal of learning and living and volunteering in that time.

Since then, I have had this poem in my mind ( Ithaka )
And while I was researching that poem, I found another one by the same author... somehow it seems to fit with the current/recent political situation here in America... ( Waiting for the Barbarians )

Well, just because I'm soon to be out of extra user pics doesn't mean that I can't make another one! Hee!

I was reading the posts over at on_the_sand and what with loving the book myself, and the fact that Sawyer is reading a copy, and supposedly all the props on Lost have something to do with the plot... anyway, this icon is the result of that and too much free time.

If you like it, help yourself. I don't think there's a community for Watership Down icons....

And the Lapine dictionary helped, to check my spelling.

Everything is alright on the kitty-front, or as all right as it's going to be.

Turns out that the cat belongs to a neighbor of my friend, and it regularly has a habit of slipping its collar and making a break for freedom. Said cat has been returned to home, much to the delight of its owners.

I say "as all right as it's going to be" because I have personal reservations. The folks already have six cats, from what I understand, and can't even be bothered to give this one a proper name. But it is being fed and taken care of, and I suppose that's what counts.

Many thanks to all who broadcast the post of kitty-peril, and I particularly want to thank those who offered to foster-sit the poor little thing, even though it wasn't necessary. That was very kind of you.


And, while I'm at it, the friend of which I spoke? Has her own lj now... five_by_five! Go say 'hi'!

I have a sort of emergency going on here. My best friend has found a half-grown cat, almost a kitten, and she is madly in love with her, but her landlord is being a complete dick. They offered him a non-refundable deposit ($1000) in case the cat damages anything, but he insists that the cat is gone in 48 hours. Right now her only option is the local shelter, and it is not a no-kill shelter.

This is a beautiful little female cat. She is between seven and eight months old, house-broken, *very* friendly, bonds quickly with people, likes to sleep with her human, doesn't hardly ever meow, gives kisses, and she is playful and curious. She doesn't scratch or bite. She seems to prefer the indoors, and when outdoors she sticks like glue to her chosen person. They have already bought four months supply of Advantage Flea treatment, and that would come with her. Needless to say, this cat is free to a good home.

She is mostly white, with random black spots and patches. She is just adorable. You can get a glimpse of her in my current user icon. I have uploaded five pictures of her to my yahoo photo album, so feel free to go and take a look. If that link doesn't work, let me know and I will email you the photos.

I don't know anyone who could take in a cat, but I'm hoping that one of you does, or knows someone who does. We live in Monterey, California, and my friend would be willing to take the cat as far north as San Francisco, as far east as Sacramento, and as far south as Big Sur. Or, if you could pick her up, that would be great too.

If you think it will be useful, feel free to link to this entry, so that more people can hear about her.

Help?

So I have a cell-phone that can play a variety of ring-tones, and I found out that I can download new ones as well. While I like the standard ring-tones... I discovered a great version of that old classic from the 80's: "Safety Dance".

Yeah, yeah, it's not the best song ever, but I love it.

It's all Emma Bull's fault.

So I have it, and now my phone rings with that tune... and it's a heck of a brainworm I've discovered. Whenever my friends or hubby hear it, they end up humming the tune for quite some time.

So I find myself wondering about the karma I might be racking up by having a ringtone that gets stuck in the head. What's the protocol on these things?

Poll #340014
Open to: All, results viewable to: All

Just how evil am I being? #1 being benign, and #10 being the Great Beast

Yesterday was a very bad day. Bad anniversary.

I wrote a journal entry at one of my old journal sites, a few years ago, and I've just copied and pasted it here... I can't write it all over again. ( Read more... )

We took him to the vet, and I stood by while the doctor gave him the final shot.

Stood by alone, with the vet assistant, because Steve couldn't handle it. I don't blame him... I don't know why I can handle deathbeds and he can't but that's just the way it is.

It was *very* quick, and peaceful, and the most important thing is that last thing he heard was my voice telling him how much he was loved, what a good dog he was... and I held him as he went limp and still and so very suddenly heavy.

Then the tears started, and I couldn't stop... I found Steve & Mom-in-law in the waiting room, and told them, and hugged them, and I went out to the car, unable to stay a moment longer.

And walking back through the empty parking lot, unable to see the ground through my tears but knowing that it was there because my feet kept thumping down on something... I began to wonder if this was my fate. To be the survivor, to stand by while death comes and walk away. Third times the charm, right? Though I don't know if my mom and two dogs count as three....

I curled up in the van, and bawled the whole way home.

I'm groggy, I hardly know what I'm saying... been crying most of the day, had to miss another day of school. There is a huge Turbo-shaped hole in my world, and everything is just *off*. Sounds are wrong, and the light doesn't fall right, and things don't smell like they should.

But, and this is really weird, I'm not depressed. I'm grieving, I know that. I miss my dog, he was a dear friend, and a bright!shining soul. But I have no despair, as I did earlier in the week. Perhaps passing so close to death, I've lost the taste for it myself, at least for the time being.

Thank you all for the kind comments on my last post, I really appreciate it. I appreciate all of you, my friends, and you mean more to me than I can say.

The medication isn't helping Turbo at all, if anything it may be hurting him. He's been worse, so much worse since yesterday. He can't stand up without having another seizure, and he only sleeps for a couple of hours at a time. He can't even lift his head long enough to eat... I gave him his kibble this morning one piece at a time with my fingers... and he threw that up an hour ago.

It is time. The vet's office opens at 9am, and we are taking him in then to do the right thing.

Moments like this, I tend to revert, agnosticism offers no comfort, and I wish there was a God of Dogs to pray to. Diana, Greek Goddess of the Hunt, perhaps? But there is no cure, and all we can do is give him release from suffering.

If you believe in anything, pray that this will be easy for him, that there is an afterlife for dogs (because they sure deserve it), and that one day we may be re-united.

It's been a stressful period since my last post... didn't sleep much last night, and added to the almost no-sleep I got the night before, I'm really groggy. I skipped school today, for the first time since I started. Honestly, for the past few days I've been preparing myself for the worst.

Turbo has been having seizures every two-three hours for almost two days straight. He always has one after he goes to the bathroom, but sometimes they happen for no reason we can discern. And of course, he can sense that going to the bathroom will cause stress, so he puts it off, then when they do happen he has an accident, and he stresses over that. Only twice has he barked, mostly he is silent. But when he does bark... *god* it is heartbreaking. The sound is pure panic and fear.

Steve and I were sure that this was it, and we have both been trying to accept that we were in Turbo's last days.

But... we got him to the vet this morning, and the verdict is Turbo has epilepsy, and we have some phenobarbital for him. We don't know if the meds will help, it depends on what is causing the seizures. If it's just epilepsy, then he will be sleepy for a few days, and then start to improve.

However, what's happening to him may be caused by a brain lesion, or a tumor on one of his adrenal glands. If that is the case, then no medicine will help.

We don't know, and yet the lack of knowledge is easier than the certainty of death that we have been filling our hearts with for the last few days. We may have a reprieve, and we know at least, from what the vet says, that he is probably not in pain. We don't have to give him up just yet, and the relief is so sharp that I think I'm in shock. Good-shock, but shock nonetheless.

I'm going to try and take a nap, since sleep has been elusive of late. Thank you for the comments and good-wishes. Love you guys.

Gip! Covering all my bases! Many thanks to mpoetess!

Turbo, my Aussie dog, isn't doing so well. ( doggy details... )

The blank is courtesy of the charming cassie2003, and the animation was done by the wonderful isabeau, and the words are from a song... ( which you can read here if you so choose.... )

Would it be possible for someone with an animation program to take these three icons...







and have them fade slowly, one after the other, in that order, like a slow slideshow?

The original is credited to cassie2003, and the text was just my idea from a song that was stuck in my head.

If you can do this, you may have any favor that I can grant you... just name it. *g*

Not much quiet time of late, so I don't know if I'll get a chance to read or respond to comments...

But I found some quotes from Diane Duane's "Deep Wizardry" that are hitting home right about now, typed them out on the other computer, and I'm just copy/pasting them now .....


Nine-tenths of the power of wizardry comes from making up your own mind about what you're going to do. The rest is just mechanics.

In the previous line, I would substitute 'life' for 'wizardry', and I think it works just as well.

If you're in this world for comfort, you've come to the wrong place...
And if you're doing what you're doing because of the way other people will feel about it -- you're definitely in the wrong place.
What you do has to be done because of how you'll feel about it...
There are no other rewards, if only because no matter what you do, no one will ever think the things about you that you want them to think.

I'm sure I can't be the first to post something like this, but it's new to me, and it made me laugh.... and I need all the shits&giggles I can get, so...

--------------------------------------

Cat Haiku

You never feed me.
Perhaps I'll sleep on your face.
That will show you.

You must scratch me there!
Yes, above my tail! Behold,
elevator butt.

The rule for today.
Touch my tail, I shred your hand.
New rule tomorrow.

In deep sleep hear sound
Cat vomit hairball somewhere.
Will find in morning.

Grace personified
I leap into the window
I meant to do that

Blur of motion, then-
Silence, me, a paper bag
What is so funny?

The mighty hunter
Returns with gifts of plump birds
Your foot just squashed one.

You're always typing
Well, let's see you ignore my
Sitting on your hands.

My small cardboard box
You cannot see me if I
Can just hide my head.

Terrible battle
I fought for hours. Come and see!
What's a "term paper"?

Small brave carnivores
Kill pine cones and mosquitoes
Fear vacuum cleaner

I want to be close
To you. Can I fit my head
inside your armpit?

Wanna go outside.
Oh, no! Help! I got outside!
Let me back inside!

Litter box not there
You must have moved it again
I'll crap in the sink

We're almost equals
I purr to show I love you
Want to smell my butt.
--------------------------------------


I don't know who did this originally, since it was sent to me in an email... I just know I didn't write it... but I would write dog haiku, if I could...

Invent a memory of me and post it in the comments.

It can be anything you want, so long as it's something that's never happened.

Then, of course, post this to your journal and see what people would like to remember of you, only the universe failed to cooperate in making it happen so they had to make it up instead.

My new icon will tell you how I plan to vote in the upcoming Fandom Escapist Election... *g*

Hell, The Daily Show is the pretty much the only news show I can stand anymore.

Perhaps there is a god, if only a god for dogs.

Called the SPCA on my weekly check on Tucker, and he was adopted.
He's okay, safe now.

Still wish he'd been mine, but this is better than any other outcome I'd feared. I'm so relieved.